bittersweet jane

I dreamt of Papa. We were gathered around him...but I could recognize only Alex who was seated at the far end. In the scene was a single tree bearing lots of fruits of different sizes - the smallest fruit being the size of a blueberry and the biggest the size of a papaya - maybe you could find that only in heaven. He was letting us taste the little ones...I loved it! Then he asked if we wanted more. I raised my hand but instead of giving it to me he gave one the size of a green mango to Alex. He said "I'm giving this to the person who never stopped helping me...who never got tired of me." That was sweet I thought...but I really wanted to have more! :-) Then he picked the biggest one and came close to me. He said "The biggest one is for my daughter whom I really love." I began to sob and I kissed him several times on the cheek and told him "you just don't know how much I love you...but I really do...and I miss you so much"...then I woke up still with tears in my eyes and still sobbing...

There have been many recent nights when I cried myself to sleep thinking of Papa...feeling the pain of losing him...of not being able to completely show him I love him. I believe he was trying to console me...to tell me that he knew...and that it is time to let go.

I don't want to let go...I don't want the memories to fade...I don't want to forget...but maybe he wants me to...maybe it's time...

If you were to choose between keeping a friend and keeping a lover (let's assume that your friend and your lover are related...and choosing one would jeopardize your relationship with the other), who would you keep? Let's complicate it a bit more... What if friendship has already been established long before the lover was met? What if you and your friend had already gone through some of the most difficult times in your life? Would you sacrifice friendship over love?

Certainly, a difficult choice to make, yet some people would consider a friend really true only if he is able to understand that he has to be given up over a much-awaited romance. This decision could be acceptable as long as the person deciding ends up happy. Seeing a friend being loved is always worth the sacrifice - indeed a test of true friendship! But what if you're aware, or shall I say forewarned, that the romance is nothing but an act being played for the sake of convenience? Would you still chose love?


Persons blinded by infatuation never get to see things the way friends do. Sweet words mesmerize them. Promises, no matter how foolish, affirm the hope of a shared feeling. Hunger for affection overpowers the will to be logical. In the end, mind is weakened, rationality fails. The clashing of two opposing parties leaves them with not much choice but to choose one over the other.

Who would you choose?